What I've Done

I think I'm finally coherent enough that I can explain what happened since my last sane post, even though tears are still streaming down my face.

I decided to go into the church after all the proxies left. Brittany stayed outside on watch. I didn't find anything of interest, except finding the seats we were in during the dream we had. All of a sudden, I heard Brittany scream, so I ran back outside. There was somebody holding a gun to her head. I saw the face and cringed in fear.

It was Sam, my ex. She proceeded to tell me she was the one who left the false clue on my blog as to where I should go. Sam offered me one last chance to join her and the tall one, or else myself, and all those I cared about would die. I told her to go to hell, that I never would. Even Brittany told her to fuck off. As soon as she said that, Sam pulled the trigger.

Brittany fell to the ground, lifeless. Having seen Sam kill Kelley's unborn child, Morningstar's attempt at killing Kay, and now this, I just snapped. I took out one of my throwing knives and just launched it. It caught Sam right in the eye. As she screamed in pain, I pulled out my sword from the cane, ran at her, and just ran it right through her. Within moments, Sam fell to the ground, dead. I couldn't believe I had just killed a person for the first time in my life. But after a little bit, something in my head told me it was right.

As I realized I had no chance at escaping the village, I told myself that if I was trapped here forever, I might as well make the best of it. Every proxy I saw, I killed. I had no concern for them, even though they are still human. I could never bring back Brittany or Kelley, I thought that I could at least lower the number of enemies for myself and the other fighters/runners still out there. With each person I killed, the more blood that was on myself and my sword, the more I wanted to kill.

In the end, if it wasn't for the comment left for me by Hylocereus, mentioning Brittany, Kelley and Kay, I don't think I ever would have snapped out of that craze. Thank you, Hylo, for helping me there.

I gave Brittany a proper burial yesterday, even putting up a makeshift headstone for her. The one thing I'm scared for now, if I ever get out of here: what am I going to tell her father and son about what happened to her? How am I gonna tell them that Brittany was killed because of me?

As scared as I am, I need to tell them. Get out of here, tell them something. Besides, I owe something to Brittany. Somebody needs to raise her son. I told her I would do so with her. Now, I have to be the single parent. If I get out of here, I will be a father to Will, and tell him how brave his mother was.

Today, I'm going to try and search for a way out of the village, out of this forest.

I promise, Brittany. I won't let anything happen to Will. Somehow.